joe_pa

Vegetarian Living...

2007-08-08T09:38:00.000-04:00

so its been a good couple of days since i ended the fast. it feels great that ive been able to maintain a vegetarian diet since last thursday and ultimately, 17 days in a row now. im also happy to find out that eggs fall under vegetarian, which to me is kinda odd, but as long as i can have my egg whites in the morning, im happy. ive been eating alot of veggie burgers (lots of BBQs the last few days), cereal w/ soy milk and my brother introduced me to my new favorite - BBQ'd sweet potatoes. slice the sweet potatoes like fat potato chips, microwave them in a bag with a little bit of olive oil and spices for 10 minutes and then throw them right on the BBQ rack... so good. antha and i went to the diner last night and i got a vegetarian panini sandwich thing. it was so much better than i expected. so yeah, eating veg isn't as hard as i once thought it was. sure it takes a little more thinking because its not always as available (like lunch at work), but if you get creative and dont mind eating "side dishes" as a meal... no worries. and i feel good!
beer. gotta love beer. been having a couple here and there, and no, i didnt get shitfaced after the first 2 beers i had. its weird though, once i drink 4 at the most, i lose all desire to keep drinking. this was the case all weekend... i think alot of it is from conditioning with the baby though. nothing is worse than a hangover when youre up at 5:30am and you dont get to go back to sleep until its dark out again. you do that ONCE and it never happens again...a little switch goes off in your head when you start getting a good buzz.
so yeah, ive been quite busy the last few days and other than being at work, i haven't really been on the computer. i'd like to try and keep this blog going though in the future. and not necessarily just food and diet related self indulgant drivel... see where it goes.

AND, today is Hugo's last day of his fast. i can't believe he did it, im actually beyond impressed and i hope he's proud of himself. if there was anyone more worthless then me when i started my fast...it was him. good job, buddy!

8/3...DAY 12, 10:15am

2007-08-03T10:11:00.000-04:00

ok, so i drank my OJ all day and on my way home in the car i was seriously shaking and about to pass out...which is cool if youre doing 75 on the ocean pkwy. so i called antha and asked her to heat up some broth, boil some brown rice and cut up some veggies cause it was now time to test the waters. i could wait no longer, the OJ was not going to get me through the rest of the day into this morning.

my soup looked and smelled awesome... antha took a picture of the first spooonful, for posterity...

so i had one bowl of soup, about 2 cups and 2 rye crackers. it felt so good to chew, it was better than i could have imagined. after dinner we went for a long walk down around the marina, came home and put the boy to bed. woke up this morning and the "plumbing" seems to be working fine...i'm back to my old routine with no problem. had a rye cracker with a little organic peanut butter on it (pretty much smushed up unsalted peanuts in a jar for $7... but its been in the fridge for months now cause its so bland) and now im about to have some cantoloupe, honeydew and pineapple. i brought veggie soup for lunch and i made up a container of it to bring to my brothers house tonight. thank god i dont need to suffer through another BBQ with no food.... it feels good to get back to "normal" living. now i just need to maintain some of the willpower i proved to myself that i actually have. i think beer can be classified as a vegetable, no?

8/2...DAY 11. 9:30am

2007-08-02T09:34:00.000-04:00

orange juice never tasted so good. so i broke out the ol' juicer, had my 2 bags of organic oranges (about 20-24 total) and juiced away. i cut it half and half with some poland spring and it gave me about 2 liters of fresh OJ. we've made juice before, usually a last ditch effort to save produce from getting wasted, and my one complaint is its SOOO damn messy. not so much the act of juicing, but the cleanup. pulp on everything. but hell, i wouldve cleaned up all the juicers on my street this morning if it meant not drinking that lemon asswater.
so the fast is officially over, although i didnt break down this morning and eat one of the pretzel nuggets thats been staring at me on the counter for 11 days. it was tempting but to go this far, i'd hate to screw up my system now and possibly prevent me from really eating this weekend. i DID bring my vegetable broth to the office though because i really dont know how im going to get through today on about half the juice im used to... i might make a cup of the just the broth, no veggies or rye crackers, and have that this afternoon if i feel good up until then. tomorrow ill have the broth with veggies and some rye crackers though.
thats about it for now i guess. everything is status quo... and thank god the salt water flushes are a thing of the past... i was almost on time to work today.

8/1...DAY 10, 10am

2007-08-01T10:09:00.000-04:00

well, this is it. one last day of the lemonade. hard to believe i haven't eaten in almost 10 full days (as of this afternoon). i feel really good overall, as far as mornings go, this is the best i've consistently felt in a long time. the evenings get rough as hell, but i chalk that up to breaking the habit of eating dinner every day for, oh, my entire life. breakfast and lunch get skipped all the time...but dinner is another story. i dont have much else right now, just looking forward to weaning back into some solid food this weekend and starting to exercise again. i had read that many people dont suffer from asthma anymore after the cleansing. i havent used my inhaler in 10 days but im curious to see how it is running on the soccer field this weekend. my chest certainly feels wide open with no wheezing or anything, which is great. well, the assmouth is starting early this morning and i have a lot to do today. check in later...

199 lbs. this morning.

7/31...DAY 9, 10:20pm

2007-07-31T22:16:00.000-04:00

well, my last tea has been made and is currently steeping as i type. lemonade is done too, next time i do this (!) i'm getting one of those plastic hand juicer things, no more squeezing lemons like a chump.

so the last few days ive really been craving food...not because i'm starving or hungry, but because i want to taste and chew again. and because of that i havent really just sat and thought about how i really feel, subconsciously. i honestly feel that this whole fast has really made a difference, for the better. people keep asking if its worth it, or how do you even do it... i do believe the only way it can be done is if you really WANT to do it, not because you should. i found a whole new level of willpower i never thought i had. shit, ive quit smoking and started back up again within the same 24 hour period more times than i got fingers. ive realized that i have calmed down quite a bit, overall. a lot more relaxed, NO stress (which is a huge problem for me), my head is clear and my concentration is on point. now i dont know if its coincidence or a placebo effect, but i'm curious as to see how the next few weeks go when it's really business as usual.

so im going to drink my tea and wake up to one last helping of salt water and the final day of this "ordeal". would i do it again? probably if i felt the same urge i felt 10 days ago. is it worth it? i'd say absolutely. if nothing else, its a healthy challenge to put yourself through with terrific benefits (especially if you smoke). and even though i got one day to go, i feel like i've really proved something to myself.

i am going to read this in a few days and hate myself for coming off like such a moe.

7/31...DAY 9, 4:45pm

2007-07-31T16:38:00.000-04:00

well, the lemonade just went from completely tolerable to absolutely disgusting in a matter of minutes. i think it has to do with the taste in my mouth mixing with the drink itself. tainted! im planning in my head how to attack the dinner hours tonight, i might go visit richie and let the kids stare each other down again, that will help pass the time since mommy has yoga class til 8:30. i wish i could be more excited about tomorrow, but ultimately i still wont get to chew anything til lunch time friday. but i got all the fixins for my vegetable soup. fresh and organic carrots, celery, green peppers, broccoli, lil potatoes, and vegetable broth. i usually opt for anything but soup if given a choice, but this may be the best soup to ever grace my virgin pink tummy. but i dont want to get too far ahead of myself here, still got 2 torturous days ahead of me. i feel pretty awesome, minus the assmouth and im not hungry in the least, but no shit....my teeth feel like theyre going to rot out of my head and theyre begging for some work to do. day 9 will soon be over and i will be one day away from accomplishing probably the hardest thing i've ever set out to do, with ultimately no one pushing me but myself. feels good.

7/31...DAY 9, 10:45am

2007-07-31T10:41:00.000-04:00

day 9 has a nice ring to it... one more salt water flush.... one more day of lemony assmouth.... one more night of the laxative tea (i will miss that, its quite good).... i can see my goal from here and it looks delicious. i'll be sippin' nice warm vegetable soup with brown rice friday afternoon and then saturday i think i'll be making a trip to the diner.

so its been a hectic morning at work, which is usually a bad thing. in my case it keeps me preoccupied. i feel very good, a little more tired than last week, but overall pretty strong. hard to believe i'm still ALIVE 9 days later, i dont think i'll ever comprehend this. weighed in at 200 lbs. and to be honest, now i'm a little upset and even confused. i would think after 9 days, i might lose a little more of my worthlessness, i mean, ive been surviving on about 400 calories a day for 9 days. but here's where the naysayers step in with their metabolism mumbo-jumbo... yeah, i understand how it works. but i didn't do this to solely lose weight so its not 10 days of torture for nothing. once i get those pretzels in me, ill prob feel like a million bucks and hopefully the new energy i have will last so i can start exercising more often, get some washboard abs and beat someone up at the beach. or i can just start wearing half the clothes in my closet again.

taking a trip to whole foods at lunch for some supplies. oranges for thursday and veggies for friday.

7/30...DAY 8, 10pm

2007-07-30T22:03:00.001-04:00

so, the place looks good eh? i did some redecorating to occupy myself before i broke something or someone. see, 7pm hits and i turn into a less than pleasant person... sick boy quitting heroin in trainspotting looked more comfortable than i do at 7pm everyday. but once the clock hits 8, i'm fine again. its really just that one hour a day that gets me.

so i made my lemonade for tomorrow which means only ONE more night of cutting lemons. it's a bit of a tease though, because i still have 2 days after that before i can experiment with real food again. but goddamn, at least no more lemonade assmouth. im beat right now, going to make my tea and get to bed soon...

oh, and please answer the new fancy poll over on the side there. thanks.

7/30...DAY 8, 1:30pm

2007-07-30T13:34:00.000-04:00

sooo.... yep. bored to tears. mouth tastes like hot trash. got nowhere to take lunch, and why bother. ain't got no lunch. energy is par for the course, i feel ok (other than the ass mouth). i wish i had more to discuss, but.... i dont. i dont want to flog a dead horse here, but i really wanna eat, and its not so much because im hungry. no discomfort in the pain and hunger dept... i just need to get rid of this taste in my mouth. brushing my teeth is cool, but then i have to drink the lemonade and thats even worse when you have toothpaste mouth. its almost better to just suck it up and opt for assmouth...

my son and richies son played yesterday. by play i mean sit there and stare each other down and occaisonally swipe at each other with closed fists. it was cool though, made me feel like a dad. then antha and i took JJ to the store with us, i needed some water (like i would need anything else at this point) and she needed dinner. ah... what a place to hang out when you havent eaten in a week...stop and shop. i begged ant to hurry up and she understood... place made me into a whiny fella. i wonder what she'll be stinkin the house up with tonight. yesterday she was sauteeing nothing but garlic and i was ready to lick the hot pan. lemons can suck it right about now.

7/30...DAY 8, 10am

2007-07-30T09:48:00.000-04:00

monday morning. day 8. more tired today than i was last week, but i was up and moving at 6am and this weekend wasn't exactly spent laying on a beach relaxing. but overall i feel good, i'm actually glad to be a work right now... i got A/C, i can sit and relax physically and i dont need to really deal with seeing or smelling food for the most part. this mornings salt water was especially disgusting for some reason, only 2 more mornings of that crap thank god. and it took especially long to finish doing what its intended to do. and i'm down to an even 200 lbs this morning. my tongue is still coated, i hope it turns pink again in the next 3 days cause i dont think i'm gonna keep fasting waiting til its good and ready. i really miss eating. and its not like i want to wake up on saturday and run down to the chinese buffet to gorge myself... not chewing or tasting anything is really getting on my nerves. the taste and feeling in my mouth by 7pm is just disgusting and i know this will be remedied with some pretzel nuggets. all i want is some goddamn pretzel nuggets. soon enough. overall, feelin good though.

7/29...DAY 7, 8pm

2007-07-29T19:49:00.000-04:00

i forgot to post my weight, 201 lbs. Not bad i guess. 10 pounds in a week, although im sure alot of it is excess water weight from not eating any sodium and to be blunt, leftover crap thats been harbored in my intestines. losing weight is honestly not an incentive at this point...hasnt really been for a few days. right now its just make it the 10 full days, come down properly and start living a little healthier. which shouldnt be too hard considering before this, i was eating anything not nailed down to the floor. i feel much better right now, which is good. all of my juice is made for tomorrow and floyd and lee are here for some FIFA on the xbox, which should keep me occupied until it's time to sleep. dealing with this not eating business during the week at work is MUCH easier than the weekends, so in short... almost there.

7/29...DAY 7, 11am

2007-07-29T11:03:00.000-04:00

day 7. just trying to stay positive right now and not think of the week i still have to get through before i can eat like a human. i went from top of the world to bottom of the barrel in about 24 hours. right now im catching up on my juice intake and i'm starting to feel a little better. hopefully it was just a bout with too much on my plate and not enough nourishment that left me miserable. i noticed my tongue is MORE coated than it has been though, so i could be feeling crappy from an increase in toxins being flushed.

well i woke up at 7am this morning, antha fed JJ and i took care of the results of my laxative tea. i could barely stand up on my own, i was weak in the knees and decided to go back to bed and skip my SWF, no big deal, maybe i'll do it shortly. but i did get to sleep until 10:30 which is the latest i have slept since march probably. it was needed. so like i said, im catching up on my juice to get my sugars up again and then its off to the store for some supplies. i think i have to skip playing soccer this afternoon which kills me...its the best 3 hours of my week. but i'm pretty sure someone will be calling an ambulance for me if i run around in this heat today. a risk im not willing to take today.

socially, this fast is killing me. so much time spent with others at this point in my life revolves around a meal. just yesterday, anthas ride to queens fell through and my dad suggested that they watch the baby so that ant and i could go out to eat, just the 2 of us instead... i turned to him in the truck and said "i cant eat or drink anything, im not going to a restaurant to spectate." so antha was already dressed (her ride bailed about an hour before the dinner) and she was forced to drive into astoria alone. friday night we went to a friends place out east for the sole purpose of killing a keg leftover from his wedding. ok, i cant drink... and i cant eat any of the homemade guacamole either... so i just sat there holding down my end of the conversation. it was tolerable, but those situations are just impossible to stay away from. and its hard, im not going to lie. willpower gets you through the cravings, but sitting in front of an ice cold keg and a table of food for 3 hours is...thats a whole other level of shit right there.

i knew this wasnt going to be easy, its one of the reasons i decided to do it. to prove to myself that i CAN follow through on something that requires incredible self control, and i'm the only one i'm doing it for. not for money, not for a job or drug test, not for anything other than my own health. writing this blog has kept me honest though, and without it, i dont know if i would have the same results. if i was fasting and only my family knew about it, i cant say i would be where i am today. i'd like to think i would be, but after a couple hours like yesterday, i really dont know.

jenn and hugo are starting this tomorrow, i wish them luck and i hope they follow through. i think they'll be ok doing it together. sharing one bathroom in the morning...well thats another story.

7/28...DAY 6, 9pm

2007-07-28T20:58:00.000-04:00

i feel like kissing my son goodbye and sticking a gun in my mouth. i feel like absolute garbage right now... a mix of physical and mental exhaustion, frustration,and an overall lust to just have a normal life again. which involves sitting down and eating a couple pretzel nuggets and drinking anything that doesnt taste like lemon. a cold beer even, a blue moon would make me feel human.

left the house at 7:45am this morning and drove to my parents where my dad was waiting with the loaded truck of furniture. we were going to be driving it upstate to their vacation house, about 20 mins. south of albany. a solid 3-1/2 hour drive in a big box truck. we split the driving, but it is just impossible to get comfortable in the cab of a box truck. seats with the bare minimum of padding and youre forced to sit up at a 90 degree angle... just agonizing. we unloaded the furniture and after only 45 mins up there, we turned around and came right back home. i tried to drink my juice, but had to be conservative so that i didnt have to piss every 20 mins like usual. we pulled over a couple times so i could pee on the side of the road as it was, and it couldve been a lot worse. throw in some unexpected drama, some extra driving at the end of the trip (dropping off the truck, an extra hour of driving, round trip) and then 3 hours of a fussy baby (i forced mom to go into astoria to have dinner and drinks with some friends, she needed it... so it was just me and junior)... i am SHOT. its 9pm and i finally got the baby to sleep after the 2 of us sitting there nearly in tears for hours and i still have a bunch of things that need to be done, like straighten up the house (its in shambles), wash baby bottles, unpack all his bags, take out a bunch of trash, go through 3 days of mail i've been avoiding, make some juice before i blackout... its just overwhelming right now. so much for resting, there just isnt enough hours in the day. i hope i wake up feeling better because right now, im ready to say ive had enough. i feel like im losing my mind.and all i can think about right now is that solid food wont touch my lips until NEXT FRIDAY at dinner. if i could lift my hands, i would punch something.

7/28...DAY 6, 6:45am

2007-07-28T06:40:00.000-04:00

day 6 sounds sooo good. woke up at 6am as usual, baby joe pa eats in bed with us around 6 every morning. i wasnt going to do my salt water because i need to be up in northport at 8am to drive a truck upstate with my dad. i wanted to sleep closer to 7:30 this morning, but honestly, i felt like i NEEDED to do the flush. even after the laxative tea i didnt get much going on this morning and the thought of letting crap just sit in me all day made me uneasy. toxins be gone. i should be home in 12 hours or so. in the meantime, i made a video of myself drinking my salt water this morning...

7/27...DAY 5, 4:30pm

2007-07-27T16:25:00.000-04:00

so ive been running around the office trying to find a print ad gone missing...the amount of non-redbull fueled energy i have is shocking. feelin good.

trip to whole foods was a success. they really got you by the balls when it comes to organic lemons. organic maple syrup too. now i remember why eating healthy blows, so damn expensive. whatever, i got to see a dude in a chevy cavalier with a huge smile on his face doing 45 in the right lane on the northern state with a very flat tire and smoke pouring out of the wheel well AND a black midget working in whole foods. if that doesnt make your day, nothing will. this guy was CHIPPER.

need to wrap up the mess here and head home soon. dont know about plans for tonight, but i'm going to try to stay away from shit revolving around food. the torture hour is nearly upon me.

7/27...DAY 5, 2:15pm

2007-07-27T14:16:00.000-04:00

makin' out ok here at work. shits been crazy all day, which isn't a bad thing. other then sometimes i forget to drink my juice and then i hear thunder coming from my stomach area. still can't fathom how this is physically possible. with my luck, my teeth will fall out after this. and i'll be stuck drinking my meals forever. i'm running out to whole foods now to get 25 lemons which should cover me through the duration and some more maple syrup. i have a new respect for maple syrup, ol' life giver. not aunt jemima though, read the label, there ain't anything close to the word "maple" on there. oh the lessons i am learning....

7/27...DAY 5, 10am

2007-07-27T09:55:00.000-04:00

wow. day 5. i'm quite proud of myself for making it this far, let alone even starting it in the first place. but this is only the halfway point...actually, as of 5pm today it will be 5 full days without an ounce of food. and i feel GOOD. incredible. 5 more days to go, no problem, it's all downhill from here.

so i think people letting me know they've been reading and actually give 2 shits about this endeavor has been a huge help, for real. it's that much harder to break down and give in when you're going to disappoint others as well as yourself. although i bet a couple of you are actually rooting for the food to win. NO DICE. ok, sappy crap aside....

i love the morning. i'm wide awake, i'm energetic, my drive to work is almost fun as i fly through traffic (bionic vision) and most importantly, my mouth doesnt feel and taste like someone shit in it yet. this is becoming the only real discomfort... by the end of the day my mouth is gross, even with mouthwash every once in a while. my teeth feel like they have crap all over them, but visibly, theres nothing. and my tongue still looks like i dipped it in flour, its got that pasty, half dry/half moist coating thing going on.

i really miss eating. the taste of things, the chewing, the swallowing. i'm not hungry though. if you were to feel like this for 40 days, you could 100% fast for 40 days, i believe it. the hunger just isn't there. right now though, i got my heart set on some crackers and hummus next saturday after my 2 days of introducing some broth, juice and raw veggies back into my system. i'm not going to lie, i want to eat again, soon. hopefully just not as much or as horrible.

i didn't lose any more weight, which is odd. odd because stuff keeps coming out, and i'm pretty sure it's more than what's going in. i feel ALOT less bloated and gross though, thats for sure. so it's not really a deterent that i'm not losing weight, but it would be nice if my body would start eating itself already. maybe i need to try to exercise a little more.

redbulls game yesterday was awesome, had a lot of fun. got to watch people tailgate and pound beer and eat meat for an hour. didnt bother me as much as the BBQ the night before. just kept drinking water to keep the belly full. once inside, no worries. i did start to get a little weak after 2 hours of no juice though, blood sugar droppin'... had some cold juice in a cooler bag waiting out in the car though. and i used my empty gallon jug in the lincoln tunnel on the way to the game, i was going to explode thanks to crosstown traffic. ended up leaving the piss filled bottle in jenn and hugo's asian neighbors garbage can in brooklyn, he walked over and inspected it as we drove away. sorry buddy.

ok.

7/26...DAY 4, 10am

2007-07-26T10:01:00.000-04:00

yes, i am still alive. about yesterday... uneventful afternoon, i left work and drove home feeling really good. this is really hard to explain, but i noticed it while driving home and driving in this morning... i am just ALOT more focused while driving. reflexes, vision... its just really weird. it's like i can see 2 moves ahead of everything going on. who knows, this is what healthy people might feel like all the time for all i know... but for me, its new and enjoyable. is it worth more than a chicken sandwich... eh...i dont know.

so i got home thanks to my bionic vision around 6pm and i decided i would go to a family BBQ with antha. i had told her in the morning i was going to stay home, but i was feelin energetic and figured we could walk there (she said it was a few blocks away). so i made all my juice for today so i didnt have to deal later and the 3 of us took off. and walked...and walked....and walked... she finally gave me the map she printed out and i was def in over my head. 2.6 miles... what seemed like a good idea now had me sweating out garbage and leaving my stomach like a pit of despair. i chugged some juice but that shit only goes so far sometimes. we sat down on the deck and i played with baby joe for a bit and then what i was afraid of happened. the food started coming out. and i was hungry. 7pm is like hell hour. 7-8pm. brutal. i couldn't deal with sitting around knowing everyone would soon be talking to me with food in their mouths. anthas brother thankfully drove me home since it was too far to walk back at this point. i got pretty down when i got home, its hard to stay positive when youre hungry and tired and you smell and its still a little light out and you cant just go to sleep yet. i laid down and waited for ant to get home, got the kid to sleep, drank my tea and went to bed.

the mornings are great. renewed energy, the salt water flush... i got it nailed down. trick is two 16 oz. room temp water bottles. one teaspoon of salt in each. pound one in one long gulp. stand over sink, stare at the drain while you try to keep it down, tell yourself "i am weak and worthless" and quickly pound the other 16 oz. bottle in anger. it worked today like a charm. after that nature ran its course (its starting to look like someone broke a glow-stick in the toilet) and i got in to work.

tonight i'm going to see the NY redbulls at the meadowlands. since ill be in the car for prob 2 hours, im going to finish my gallon jug of juice during the day and then use it for a pee container while floyd drives. i pee ALOT. i packed my backup liter for before and after the game. i might try to get some juice into the game, but those assholes will prob bust my balls. and i dont want to risk losing precious juice. it'll be a gametime decision.

oh, and no weight loss for some reason this morning. still 204lbs. which is fine, i dont give a shit. i think our scale blows too. as long as my pants fit a little better in a week, im cool.

7/25...DAY 3, 2pm

2007-07-25T13:53:00.000-04:00

so for lunch today i had some more of the juice. had some for a snack too. prob gonna have some for dinner. i still enjoy the taste ever since i layed off the cayenne a little bit. it was liquid fire on monday. today, nice and lemony. ANYWAYS, i couldn't sit here for lunch again, so i decided to suck it up and walk through the cafeteria, with all of its smells, and look for someone to sit with for a bit. looks like everyone went out today... so fuck it, "i'll walk to the bank". i had my mini travel jug of juice and it's beautiful out, so i was set. its a little over a mile, round trip. since this would be the most ive really done in 3 days, i was worried that i might get dizzy or weak... no way. in fact, i think i felt better overall than i would have 2 weeks ago. this shit boggles my mind.

so this morning i wasn't sure if my sense of smell had gotten more sensitive... it has, absolutely. i walked past a few restaurants and the smells were soooo strong, outside, with a breeze. garlic, holy shit. this one place stunk like garlic, outside, with all of the doors and windows closed. its not necessarily a good thing though. right now, some savage near me is eating at their desk and its as if the plate is under my nose. great.

3 more hours til i get to go home and then day 3 will soon be behind me. it feels good to have gotten this far, but goddamn, 10 days is a long time when you keep thinking about it. soon enough though, one day at a time. at least i feel good, things could be a lot worse.

7/25...DAY 3, 10am

2007-07-25T10:10:00.000-04:00

i woke up so disappointed that i smoked a cigarette last night...and then realized it was only the most vivid dream i've ever had and remembered. i have read about people having crazy food dreams while doing this, but i guess cigs won out over food. so... im not hungry. i can't even comprehend how i'm not ready to punch the next person i see and bite them. i've wanted to kill if i missed lunch or even a snack before... goes to show how much we NEED versus how much we WANT. i do miss eating though, i do. i miss chewing. i brushed my teeth last night and thought, "i dont need to brush you, you've been on vacation." of course i brushed because my breath prob smelled like hot trash, which brings me to the next step of the detox.... the tongue. i had read that the tongue becomes discolored and grows a layer of crap on it. this is just bad shit, gettin the ol' heave-ho. last night, my tongue looked like i had fell asleep with my mouth open and a classroom of kindergartners paper machéd my tongue. it was WHITE with like...wheat paste all over it. interesting and disgusting. its not so bad right now, but maybe i'll take a picture tonight.

salt water flush this morning made me gag TWICE. it was tough getting it down and i did it in about 4 gulps. i feel bad for the people who do this and can't just open up their throats like theyre shotgunning a beer. see, all that practice at lame parties, it paid off eventually. more than algebra ever did. antha also made an egg sandwich before she left and stunk up the whole house. my sense of smell seemed way more sensitive, but maybe her sandwich just really smelled. dont know. i do know she won't be making food in the house anymore. i mean, im coping pretty good, but smelling it in front of you, its tough. at least right now.

weighed in at 204lbs, down a pound from yesterday. more later, work to do...

7/24...DAY 2, 9pm

2007-07-24T21:02:00.000-04:00

well, i wish i had more exciting news to discuss. when i get home from work, its hard not eating. but like the rest of the day, just take a big swig of the juice and carry on. i'm mentally preparing for my salt water in the morning... other than that... eh. i feel fine, no real weakness going on, its somewhat amazing really. about 53 hours without food, by far the longest i've gone in 30+ years. im waiting for antha to get home with the boy and then its some laxative tea and bed. i got nothing else right now... over and out.

7/24...DAY 2, 1:30pm

2007-07-24T13:33:00.000-04:00

man it's quiet here. seems as though everyone went to lunch at the same time. everyone but me. my stomach is rumblin, but no discomfort. ive had about 1/3 of my juice for the day i guess, maybe a little more. its quite good and definetly helps curb the cravings. i almost just stood up and walked to the vending machine before, it was like if i dont pay attention, autopilot goes on and my brain was about to tell my legs "get to the vending machine for animal crackers, STAT". i need to find out if i can chew gum... my mouth is dying to do something, i can feel it. and this pen ain't cutting it. damn oral fixation.

7/24...DAY 2, 10am

2007-07-24T09:55:00.000-04:00

last night was fine, i drank my cup of chocolate laxative tea and went to sleep around 11pm with no problem (other than usual skittishness from playing GTA San Andreas for an hour and a half right before i close my eyes to go to sleep). slept through the night and when my head popped off the pillow at 6am i was all excited to drink my SALT WATER FLUSH. so i hurried into the kitchen to mix it up quick before i had to feed the baby. as i was screwing the cap back on my water bottle, i suffered a blow from the laxative tea... i guess all its takes is being upright for 120 seconds and gravity takes over. with that said and done, i fed the baby, sat down with him on my lap on the couch and started guzzling my liter of water with 2 teaspoons of sea salt...

HOLY SHIT THIS STUFF IS DISGUSTING.

ever swallow some water when you get knocked over by a wave in the ocean? well, next time, open your mouth and voluntarily drink as much as you can instead of spitting it out and coughing. and then do it like 5 more times. i shouldve saved myself some money and just went down to the marina with a bucket. so the lemonade ended up being better than expected but the salt water...holy shit...not looking forward to that again.

but why drink it you say? your body wont absorb it so it's essentially like guzzling Drano and within minutes you're sayin "hello water that i just drank". its crazy, but the reasoning is you shower yourself daily, and this is like showering your insides. downside is it takes a couple trips and about an hour and a half to run the water through, so its a good thing the baby has me up early. i was still late to work though.

i made my lemonade a little less sweet today, im excited. well, not really... but i feel great. maybe even better than usual. just one day at a time. jason has told me he got sick around day 3 and 4... i hope i dont get violently ill. no sense in worrying about it, if it happens, it happens. i'll stay home with a bucket and play FIFA all day.

weighed in at 205 lbs. this morning.

7/23...DAY 1, 8pm

2007-07-23T20:02:00.000-04:00

yes, i just woke up from a 20 minute nap with the boy. im pissed off and i cant believe im not going to eat for another 11 days. what the hell am i doing.

antha just made tofu and vegetables. the whole house may as well smell like a bag of mcdonalds when youre hungover. i have to go make my last glass of juice for the day as well as tomorrows jug. then i might go stick my head in the litter box to get rid of the delicious smell stuck in my nose.

antha also told me that i can live somewhere else while i do this. i guess i was overly crabby when i woke up. you'd be crabby too if the highlight of your day is a chocolate flavored laxative tea right before bed. what the hell am i doing?...............

7/23...DAY 1, 4:15pm

2007-07-23T16:10:00.000-04:00

2/3 of the way through my juice for the day. i'm hungry, but i think i miss eating more than i miss actual food right now. my stomach has been making some noises and i've been pissin' quite a bit, but nothing out of the ordinary really. i just want to get home and relax more than anything, i'm pretty tired and feeling slightly weaker than usual. tonight i need to drink another cup of the laxative tea (its pretty good actually) and then first thing in the morning i'm going to drink a salt water flush. its just a quart of water with a couple tablespoons of sea salt. the salt water has the same specific gravity as blood, so the kidneys don't pick up the water and the blood cannot pick up the salt. so pretty much the whole quart of salt water goes through you like liquid sandpaper. this has the makings of a possible "tub boy" video written all over it. man i cant wait to get home....

7/23...DAY 1, 10am

2007-07-23T09:58:00.000-04:00

last night was hell trying to mix up all the "lemonade", what a mess. hopefully things go smoother tonight after i buy a thermos or something large enough to house 3+ liters. and a funnel. have to get a funnel to fill up my water bottles. tin foil does not cut it. it's 10 AM monday morning, just got soaked on my way in to work. definitely hungry, but im not pissed off yet. the "lemonade" actually tastes quite good, its sour, sweet and spicy all in one. dont know how im going to feel about it in a few days, but for now, its all i got.

i weighed in at 209 this morning. so it seems as though im going to be spending more time than usual in the bathroom. hmph. in fact, its going to wind up being a big part of this whole ordeal, so i need to figure out a nice way of discussing it here. because i could easily just run my garbage mouth and gallows humor as many of my friends are accustomed to, but while i'm still sane... i'll try to "keep it clean" as they say. so yes, 2 trips to the boys room this morning. i've already doubled my productivity. thank you, laxative tea. i'm going to have another guzzle of my tasty brown stuff and get some work done.

7/22... the last supper.

2007-07-22T21:29:00.000-04:00

Ok, so i'm not really going to make a big deal out of my last meal for 12 days. in fact, i'm not even sure the last time i ate. it's 9:30pm now and other than a few cookies around 6pm, the last thing i ate was a wrap and some salads at my sons christening mid afternoon. i've been nervous all day long, like i have a presentation or an interview tomorrow. all i'm doing is not eating, i just need to remember this. i'm beginning to realize what a slave to food i am, always planning out where my next meal will come from. but not the way a hobo might plan because he doesnt want to sleep hungry again. hell, i have a debit card and a car... the world is my oyster. or my taco. or my cheeseburger. i'm going to need to break some bad habits to make this work...

so i'm going to go prepare my first days rations. 100 ounces of my lemon water, cayenne pepper, maple syrup cocktail. im contemplating a small snack, but i think i'll opt to go to bed early instead. after all, i need to drink my laxative tea right before sleep and the box tells me i have 8-12 hours before, well, you know. thats a mighty big window if you ask me. can't say i'm excited about that. but i am staying positive, its the only way i can even deal with comprehending what i'm going to do to myself. my biggest fear? honestly, it's smelling at work. i really hope i dont need to pull my shirt over my mouth to talk to people or douse my shirt with cologne. rumor has it, your body excretes toxins and garbage from everywhere possible. i guess i'll know soon enough how full of crap i really am.

and so it will begin...

2007-07-21T09:15:00.000-04:00

It is something that has intrigued me for years now... "how the hell can you survive for 10+ days without ANY solid food?!"

I had heard about fasting in the past, sure. Religious zealots or people who did way too much yoga and inhaled one too many new-age candles... these were the people I always imagined sitting there, meditating and humming and shit while they forced their bodies into some altered state of reality. Definitely not for me. Then in a conversation in the van a few years ago, Steveo told me about friends of ours who had fasted in the past, somewhat regularly even. Hearing this, i was intrigued. And it wasn't just the prospect of losing a boat-load of weight in a short period of time... it was the possibility of essentially starting over, from the inside out.

I remember reading how this guy perceived his body, how it was a vehicle to get him from the start to the finish...im paraphrasing here... just beat the hell out of it while you're here, enjoy yourself...don't hold back. drink, smoke, be reckless, really just use your body like a rental car and have fun. Because a perfectly healthy body does you no good when you're dead in the end. sure you might get to the finish line a little quicker, but maybe you'll leave behind something more than a diaper full of shit after a lengthy, safe existence. i liked this philosophy, made sense to me...

then i had a kid.

I'm 30 years old now and my metabolism couldn't outrun a glacier. my diet, well not so good. I try to follow through on eating healthy, but the simple fact is i like eating. im good at it. drinking too. i love beer. smoked cigarettes for years. lots of them. drugs, well, things happen. more or less, i've done a pretty good job treating my body like a Chrysler Sebring from Hertz.

My wife and I had our first son on April 11, 2007 and after the past 3 months of seeing a 7-1/2 pound develop and grow into a 15 pound little person who acknowledges me as his father, well to put it simply, I think i want to stop renting and stick around a little longer than previously planned. So for starters, this is what I have decided to do...

The Master Cleanser. A complete detox of my entire body. Minimum of 10 days with no solid food consumed. Not an ounce. A 10 day fast. I will live on a mixture of purified water with fresh lemon, grade B maple syrup and cayenne pepper. I have yet to try this concoction, but I have made up my mind and if its tastes like ball sweat than so be it. Plus i already bought everything i need from WholeFoods and threw out the receipt. I am determined to accomplish this, just me vs. the body which will be fighting back for years of being beaten on. I've read about many different scenarios that may go on, but I'm just going to document whats going on as it happens.

Its Saturday morning now, and I just weighed in at 211lbs. of worthlessness. Last meal will be tomorrow night, Sunday, and as of 12:01 Monday morning, well, i really have no idea whats going to happen.... although i got some ideas.